Episode 221 – How to silence your inner critic


Click on the thumbnail above to view the full-sized webcomic!

True story. A few years ago, 95% of my creative efforts where going into my erotica podcast, Heatflash. The podcast was very well received, I loved working on it, and I poured just about everything I had into it. However…

When my kids started going to school, I began to lose work time. Though they were out of the house, my schedule was suddenly constricted by theirs. They had to be dropped off at certain times, picked up at certain times, there were after school activities to keep up with and of course, volunteer work for the school and said activities.

While I still had 8:30am to 2:00pm to myself, those hours turned out to be less than ideal for recording a podcast. I live next to an  Air Force Base, a NASA research center wind tunnel, a NASCAR speedway, and a neighbor who enjoyed racing RC cars at all hours of the day. I tried recording my podcast in the wee hours of the morning (4:30am), only to discover that the tree outside my office window was host to several families of baby birds. Recording in the closet did nothing to block out all the other noises, and besides, it would also wake up the Hubster who was sleeping in the bed next door.

My daytime hours were also consumed with other work… paying work. I had enough art commissions coming in to keep me tied up all day long. And while people loved the erotica writing, I simply couldn’t publish enough of it to make any significant amount of money.

The final straw for my erotica career came at a writers’ conference for small epublishers and e-published authors. Everyone there knew me. Most of the people there had either published my work, edited my work, or been in an anthology with me. And everyone said the exact same damn thing to me when they saw me…

“Hey Helen! How’s the webcomic going? I love your cartoons!”

Not a word about my writing, my books, or my podcast. They just all wanted to know about the cartoons. About the twelfth time I heard this, I realized I had been beating my head against a brick wall for far too long. Shortly after that conference, I finished off all my remaining writing projects and threw myself into the webcomics and digital art. I have not been unhappy with this decision at all.

But every now and then, my Inner Critic rears her head and demands to know why I don’t write the porn anymore. I have learned not to give a voice to her anymore. She’s got nothing important to say to me anyway.

For the record, I have no idea why I drew myself drawing left-handed in this webcomic. But I did, so there ya go!

Friday Round Up

I’ve had so much going on lately, I thought I’d post a few links to let you know where I am and what I’m up to. Enjoy!


Future Perfect was reviewed at Coffee Time Romance! I got 3 cups out of 5; not the top rating, but the reviewer did make some very nice comments, including…

“I loved this story! The sex scenes were amazing, the shared memories were very erotic, and the lesson learned was extraordinary. This tale was just perfect.” (for the story Alienated)

“I loved this tale! The emotional upheaval that Marnie’s ex-girlfriend caused with her vicious words shows realistic sensitivity in Marnie. I feel that Sal’s abrasive manner is perfect when handling the emotional woman. This was a fantastic story.” (for the story A Fish Tale)

There were several other nice comments like this as well. If you want a good idea of what the book is like, I do suggest reading this review. Again, Future Perfect only got 3 out of 5 cups, but with comments like these, I really can’t complain! And if you’d like to pick up a copy to read yourself, you can get Future Perfect right here!



Future Perfect was also reviewed by Bitten By Books, and this time got 4 tombstones out of 5! My favorite comments here include…

“A wholly new take on the story of the birds and the bees! The author takes the idea of the circle of life, the pollination of flowers, and turns it into an erotic male/male romp that you won’t believe.” (for the story The Honey Bee)

“Election Day will never be the same after reading this enticing and sexy short which gives a whole new meaning to making the candidates earn your votes! So much political humor wrapped inside this that I couldn’t stop laughing.” (for the story The Voting Booth)

A very nice review, and my thanks to Bitten By Books!


Welcome To Mundania makes an appearance on Babbling About Books, and More! The cover art for Welcome to Mundania puts in an appearance in a blog post entitled WTFckery with the following comment…

“Whoever created this cover was dropping acid or the reader has to to the same thing or swallow some LSD tabs to figure out what this cover is. Maybe this cover will help you reach nirvana in your life? All the pretty colors… ooh… trippy..

If you follow the link in the comment, you end up at yet another blog, Kris ‘N’ Good Books, which also gives the cover art for Welcome To Mundania a good once over. Honestly, I love both blog posts, and couldn’t stop laughing when I read them. The cover art was designed to have an acid trip effect. It’s actually based on the artwork for the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast, which is where these stories first ran. Heat Flash tends to be experimental, and the artwork was meant to reflect that. Anyway, I loved reading the comments and made sure to thank the blog owners, since they gave my book a great deal of exposure 😉

Welcome to Mundania is available at Logical-Lust.com!


Beyond that, it’s Friday, which means I’m over at Oh Get A Grip today, blogging about charity. Also, the latest episode of the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast is available today. This week’s story is a very dirty m/m/m/m/m take on Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Enjoy!

Writing Wednesday – The Gift of the Magician

In light of the upcoming holiday, I thought I’d offer up a Christmas story this week. The Gift of the Magician originally ran on the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast in December 2007. For more info on the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast, visit www.heatflash.libsyn.com. Free erotica stories in MP3 format every week, folks! Don’t say I never gave you anything 😉

The Gift Of The Magician
by Helen E. H. Madden

“Merry Christmas, lover!”

Backstage at the Mercury Theater, Trixie kissed Hocus-Pocus Henry. Her eyes shone brighter than the spangles on her threadbare costume as she handed the magician a long, flat box. Greta the Great lit a cigarette and groaned.

“You actually bought that fraud a present?”

Trixie ignored the grousing matron. “Open it!” she squealed to Henry.

“Here? Now?” Sweating, Henry peeled back the wrapping and gasped. “Is that…?”

“The Saw of Sergei the Severe!” Trixie exclaimed. “He used it to cut up Madam Splatvatsky! Do you like it?”

Still stunned, he nodded. “It’s wonderful! But how did you afford it?”

“She sold her wardrobe,” Greta answered, flicking cigarette ash in his direction. “Waste of money, if you ask me. **You’ll** never get that thing to work.”

“He will too!” Trixie snapped. “Henry’s worked real magic before!”

Greta scoffed. “So he pulled a rabbit out of his ass.”

“Can you do it?” Trixie demanded of her.

“No, but I can buy a present for my assistant.” Smoke streamed from Greta’s nostrils. “You get Trixie **anything** this year, Henry?”

“Um, it’s at home…”


As Trixie rushed to his defense, Henry vanished from the theater. Outside, he checked his pockets. He found his wand, a deck of cards, and smelly rabbit’s foot, but no money.

“Well then,” he said, gripping his wand. “I shall conjure up a present using this!” He hurried off to Prophetic Pawn.

That evening, Trixie appeared on stage in a brand-new costume. The skimpy outfit dazzled the audience as she stepped into the magician’s box.

“You can do it!” she whispered to Henry as he closed the lid.

With trembling hands, he shoved the saw through his lover, slicing her in half with the serrated edge. When he was done, he flung open the lid. Trixie waved from the box as her legs hopped out and paraded across the stage. The crowd roared with delight.

Trixie stuck out her tongue at Greta as an elated Henry carried her offstage. “Told you he could do it!” she quipped.

Greta sneered as Trixie’s capered past. “Whatever!”

Back in their dressing room, Henry set the bisected woman on the couch.

“For my next trick, I will need my lovely assistant!” He knelt at Trixie’s feet and pulled off her sequined panties. She giggled as he buried his face between her thighs, and then reached for Henry’s erect cock to work a few magic tricks of her own.

Two hours later, Greta banged on the door. “Henry! Are you two done in there? It’s closing time! Quit fucking around and put that girl back together.”

“Certainly!” he called back, a grin plastered across his sticky face. “All it takes is a wave of my wand…”

His smile faded as he patted the pockets of his tux. “My wand… my wand… oh shit.”

“What’s wrong?” Trixie asked. She struggled to pull the panties back up her legs.

“I need my wand to put you back together.”


“I, uh, pawned it to buy your costume.” Henry dropped onto the couch and hit his head against the wall. “Shit, shit, shit.”

Trixie sighed. “Oh Henry.”

The Gift of the Magician, by Helen E. H. Madden, copyright 2007.