Rats! Episode 38 – How to plan a party

Oh freshmen, beware of parties. I know you guys think you know how to party, but trust me, things can go very wrong very fast, especially if you con someone into buying your underage butt some alcohol.

I don’t mean to be a downer here, but the fact is during my time at Virginia Tech, I saw quite a few freshmen (and sophomores and juniors and seniors and even super-seniors) get so drunk at parties, they pretty much devolved into brain-dead protoplasm, and I never could understand the point of that. For starters, is it really all that fun to be so drunk that you cannot put one foot in front of the other and thus must spend all night face down on the floor? Or else spend the next 24 hours puking your guts out into the toilet? I’ve seen seen freshman puke so hard they nearly turned themselves inside out, and once I saw one of my buds pass out and nearly fall right out an open window on the fifth floor of the dorm. Not funny guys. Not funny at all.

My dad used to always say, “Before you go drinking, count the money in your wallet and put a bucket beside your bed. The next morning, check your wallet and see how much you spent. Then check the contents of the bucket. That’s what you bought.”

Maybe it’s just because I can’t really drink. I’ve been told I have the metabolism of a gerbil. I get buzzed off a single drink, and I mean I get really tipsy, but then ten minutes later, it’s completely over. I don’t even need the bucket to tell me that what I spent to be tipsy for 10 lousy minutes was really not worth the money.

But you college kids will go do what you want to do anyway. Just remember what your Auntie Helen says. Before you party, check your wallet and put the bucket beside your bed. And DON’T FORGET YOUR DESIGNATED DRIVER!!!!!! That way you’ll be sure to survive long enough to see what you bought the next day. Hope you like what you paid for.

One final note, I am attending the March to Keep Fear Alive on 30 October, and in honor of the occasion I am selling t-shirts for charity at Zazzle.com. The “Fear Me” t-shirt says…

It’s perfect for that strong, smart, scary woman in your life, and all the profits go to DonorsChoose.org. So buy a shirt of make a donation directly to a good cause. Thank you for your support!

About Cynical Woman

Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.
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