Things I Suck At As A Mom

I really should be working right now, but the current free-for-all/play date going on upstairs has inspired me to write the following list of Things I Suck At As A Mom.

  1. Mommies groups. Never joined one that I really fit into. Mostly because I am a Freak Mama, and mundane mamas scare/irritate me.
  2. Chit-chat with non-Freak Mamas. Related to item #1. I have very little in common with most non-fandom or non-freak moms, so doing the whole polite talk thing is painfully awkward for me (as I’m sure it must be for them to talk to me).
  3. Play dates with children of non-Freak Mamas. I do not relate well to other people’s kids at the best of times. Dealing with kids whom I am afraid will contaminate my kids with such anti-Freak ick like “Hannah Montana” or “Bratz” just drives me up the wall.
  4. Cooking dinner. Hubster used to do ALL the cooking, because I honestly never learned how. And since I get up at 5AM, my brain usually shuts down around 5PM, which is of course the magic hour at which dinner is expected to be prepared.
  5. Packing school lunches. I don’t know why I suck at this one. I had to pack my own school lunch for years when I was in school. Somehow, I can’t pull it off for the Princess. It may be that many times we don’t have what I need on hand to make said lunch (because I also suck at grocery shopping, yet another task the Hubster does). It may be part of the whole “brain shuts down at 5PM” thing. I just can’t say.
  6. Children’s parties. I think kids’ birthday parties should be small simple affairs. I don’t like renting inflatable bouncy death traps, nor do I like hiring evil clowns/magicians/balloon animal artists. I prefer simple parties at home. However, right now my home has no downstairs bathroom, no patio furniture, no grill, and no linoleum in the foyer. Also no fence, so no way to coral screaming children. Makes it hard to host a simple barbeque in the backyard.
  7. House cleaning. I’m too damn busy being Freak Mama and doing my writing/graphic arts thing to get around to this one. And don’t even ask about decorating the house. I decorate with dust bunnies, okay? That way all the rooms in the house match!
  8. Sleep-overs. I have not yet even attempted to have one at this house. I just can’t stand other people’s children long enough to force myself to suffer through one. I live in fear of the day I do have to do it.

This list probably doesn’t even begin to cover the things I suck at as a mom, but right now I’ve got small screaming children in the house tearing things apart, so I have to go.

What do you suck at as a parent?

About Cynical Woman

Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.
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  1. I, too, suck at cooking. Although I used to be a professional chef when in my early 20’s. I think it’s because my diet has changed so radically over the years from the carnivore I was then to the pescatarian (aka fishatarian) that I am now. It requires a different skill set that I’m highly uninterested in acquiring since Hubby does the cooking.

    I also suck hideously at grocery shopping.That’s another thing that Hubby does particularly well.

    As far as getting along well with other Moms, even when my sons were little, I had problems with that too. Again, I just don’t conform to the “norm”. And that scares people.

    I generally don’t do well with the standard feminine roles. I don’t conform well to what other people think I should be. I was raised to be an individual so I hold fast to that.

  2. Herbwoman, sounds like you and me would get along just fine! I do have a posse, as opposed to a mommies’ group. We call ourselves the Screeching Harpies and we try to go out for sushi once a month. It works very well. We’ve all known each other for years, and we’re all freaks of one kind or another. If you’re ever in the area, you are welcome to join us!

  3. I’m another parent though with grandkids now that sucked at the job. Still I believe our children have far better chance at adjusting to life then all of the kids growing up with mundane moms. My belief is in corrupting children early, as then they are less likely to be curious about taboo subjects later.

    Course all of my children are in fandom and Balticon serves as our annual family reunion.

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