Author: Cynical Woman

Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.
2 Comments

ACW Episode 104 – Why Did I Volunteer?!

  By ,

Explain to me again why I volunteered to be Cookie Mom?

Oh yeah. Princess.

See, Princess and I made a deal. She’d get all her work done in school and I’d let her participate in Brownies. And she has definitely kept her end of the deal, so we’ve been going to Brownie meetings regularly all year. But then the troop needed volunteers to do things. I wasn’t ready to step in as troop leader or assistant leader, nor did I think I was ready to be treasurer when the call went out at the beginning of the year. But when they asked for a volunteer to be the troop cookie coordinator, I thought maybe it was time for me to get involved more. After all, Princess was really doing well in school.

Well, she continues to do well and I am now up to my assets in paperwork and cases of cookies. It’s taken a huge chunk out of my schedule and about driven me crazy with the paperwork and pick-ups and deliveries and coordination. A smooth, low stress job this has not been (and it was specifically described to me as smooth and low-stress). But still, Princess has kept her word and I want to support the things she does so I’m keeping mine.

And in spite of all the hassle, I will probably do this again next year. It’s one of those jobs where, once you’ve done it, you pretty much know it. In other words, it will be less of a pain in the ass next time around. I hope. I certainly wouldn’t want to inflict this job on some other poor, unsuspecting mom.

Or would I?

Would anybody here be interested in taking on a smooth, low stress volunteer opportunity next year? The Girl Scouts could really use your help…

No comments

Move It Mama Monday! Just keep moving…

  By ,

Nothing exciting going on in the realm of exercise this week. Instead, I’ve been working to keep up with my usual routine while I deal with work and Girl Scout cookie stuff. I’m more glad than ever that I have the option of working out at home. I’ve spent plenty of time on the elliptical machine and with Wii Fit Plus, Walk It Out!, EA Sports Active 2 and Just Dance. I haven’t been able to get to karate class as often as I’d like, due to work conflicts, and I deliberately skipped my usual swim and water aerobics session on Friday so I could stay home and write. But even when I don’t get out of the house, I do still make the effort to pull on my sweats and get moving.

Apparently this effort has paid off. I’ve definitely dropped a few pounds, and in spite of the stress I’ve been sleeping very soundly these last few weeks. I get tired during the day, but I don’t feel jittery like I sometimes do when stressed out. I just want to curl up for a nap.

I’m looking forward to the summer when most of the things stressing me will have fallen by the wayside. Plus the warmer weather will mean I can get back outside to work in the yard and practice karate. I keep meaning to start practicing at the gym, but again schedule problems have interfered with those plans as well as with my usual routine.

I’ll survive. I’ll keep moving, keep exercising, and I’ll stay in shape, regardless of the stress.

No comments

Sunday Contentments – Yes, I can read a book

  By

I’m having a lazy Sunday morning today after another long week. My stress level continues to bounce around from moderate to high, though has not gone through the roof again in the last week. I attribute this partly to the fact that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel for a lot of the things that have been causing my stress – Girl Scout cookie sales, the barrage of work landing in my inbox, and some projects that I think I am just about ready to get off my plate.

But I also have to attribute the moderation of my stress level to taking a little time for myself. After having owned my iPad for a couple months now, I finally made another trip to Borders online and picked up a couple of books, including Stieg Larson’s “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.” I love to read, but don’t do it nearly often enough these days. In fact, if I read a book a quarter (for pleasure and not for some project-related research), I’d be very surprised. The last good book I can remember reading is Dan Simmons “Drood,” a dark, fictional account of Charles Dickens’ years. It was a very loooooooong book, and very engrossing, and I spent quite a few nights staying up past midnight to read it.

I picked up “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” on a whim. It was only $5 for the ebook and I can’t recall the last time I was able to buy a book for just $5. I sat down last week to start it and found myself once again engrossed. I read at night before falling asleep and then started reading during the day, taking a little time here and there to finish a chapter or two. Finally, on Friday I spent most of the day just reading. I had an unexpected break in my schedule and decided to spend the day at home just writing and reading. I read off and on all day and finally finished the book around 9PM, then went online and bought the next one in the series. I haven’t started it yet; I’ve decided to read “The Lost City of Z” first. But I’m fairly certain once I finish “Z” I’ll be more than ready to head back into Larson’s world of investigative journalism, hackers and brutal crime.

So today’s contentment is good books, something I don’t indulge in nearly often enough. Hopefully I’ll figure out a way to slow down my schedule in the future to give myself a little more reading time. It’s the easiest form of escape I can find.

No comments

Freaky Friday! Ferocious Fat Felines Fly For Free!

  By ,

“Ferocious Fat Felines Fly For Free…” by Helen E. H. Madden

I have a number of small journals lying around the house and occasionally I will pick one up and doodles something in it. This particular piece was the first drawing in a journal of various colored papers that I bought 7 years ago. In 7 years, I have drawn a grand total of 6 drawings in this book, not including the artwork I pasted on the cover. It’s one of those things that I get really interested in doing a particular piece in the journal and I work on it a little bit every day, then I sort of abandon the journal for a while and drift off to do other things.

This drawing was created all in one night, or a couple of nights in a row, I’m not exactly sure which. But I can tell you what inspired it and the circumstances under which it was drawn. Hurricane Isabelle was headed our way and my family and I had evacuated to my best friend’s house to wait out the storm. Mary had a set of magnetic poetry pieces on her fridge that I started playing with while we were there and for some reason I came up with the line “Ferocious Fat Felines Fly For Free!” I decided it needed a drawing to go with it and as I just happened to have a brand new art journal and a brand new box of crayons and some brand new Micron pens, I started to work on it.

This drawing had no plan beyond illustrating that one line I had created. It ended up being a very literal interpretation of the line, with some weird random symbolism thrown in for no good reason. I like it though. I especially like the colors. The paper was actually a light greyish blue, but there’s so much green and yellow laid down, you can’t really tell.

Even though I like this piece and others I’ve created like it, I always wonder is this sort of stuff really art? Is anybody going to like it? I had fun making it, but otherwise was it a waste of time and crayons? I guess what I’m really asking is, do YOU like it? Would you buy a poster of something like this? Does the whimsical nature of this piece strike a chord within you, or do you just sort of roll your eyes after looking at it and go, “What sort of idiot would draw such nonsense?”

However you feel about it, let me know. I’m curious to see what people think.

No comments

Rats! Episode 51 – It’s My Turn!

  By ,

Ah, the terrible things that power does to people. They get a little taste of it and they go crazy, meting out such misery to the poor people stuck beneath them. I don’t recall any of my classmates turn into complete jerks my sophomore year, thankfully. I think we all knew we’d get into major trouble if we pushed things too far. But I have to admit, we were all eager to see someone else go through the agony of being rats, if only so we could point and laugh and say, “Do you remember when we had to do that crap?!”

Other thoughts on today’s cartoon. This reminds me very much of the trips I made from home to Blacksburg and back again. I must have put thousands of miles on my poor little car, driving through all those mountains. I almost always drove by myself, and it’s a wonder I’m alive today. I can’t imagine making that trip now without a full night’s sleep and a cell phone on me in case there was an emergency. But back then? Eh, grab a couple hours of shut eye, through your gear in the back of the car, buy coffee on the way out and just drive! Those were the days.

So this is the start of the cartoons for the second year. I’ll have to count to see if I’ve got 50 cartoons for this year as well. I was in my senior year at this point, had just completed Camp All American at Fort Bragg and gotten through it by the skin of my teeth. I sucked so badly at ROTC, it’s a wonder anyone gave me a commission. That summer was also the year when Iraq invaded Kuwait. I was at Ft. Bragg then, doing CTLT (Cadet Troop Leadership Training) after having finished Camp All American. I remember that one evening we went to bed, everything all sane and normal in the world, and the next day we woke up and we were at war. Scary as all get out, driving around the post, seeing armed guards all over the place. I spent most of my last 2 weeks at Bragg running around getting dental records and helping soldiers fill out family care packages and powers of attorney for the families they were getting ready to leave behind.

Anyway, I did my time at Ft. Bragg, then returned to school. A lot of cadets who’d been upper classmen when I was a rat had already been sent off to Kuwait. It was a strange time to be a senior cadet. Of course, by the time I graduated, got my commission and finished Officer Basic Course, the Gulf War was over. It would be 10 years before I’d end up actually doing anything overseas during a wartime operation. And even then, I didn’t do all that much. That’s the way things work out sometime. To those of you currently serving overseas, I wish you the very best, and I hope you come home safe and sound sometime very soon!

No comments

WIP Wednesday – What’s Missing, part 1

  By , ,

What’s Missing, WIP by Helen E. H. Madden, 6 Feb 2011

The latest issue of Digital Artist magazine had a lovely article on using the metallic paint settings in ArtRage. I’ve been reading everything I can find on ArtRage lately, since I’ve been enjoying using the program on my iPad, and I decided to see if I could replicate the results of the Digital Artist article in some of my own artwork.

I decided to follow the same process outlined in the article, starting with a detailed sketch of what I wanted to paint. This is a big departure from my previous ArtRage drawings, which have pretty much been created on the fly rather than planned out. Thus this image is going to be here on WIP Wednesday rather than showing up on Freaky Friday, because it’s going to take longer to produce.

The sketch is heavily influenced by the artwork in the DA article, which was also of a robot. I like robots, so I’m more than happy to try and paint a few. I’m still working out the details of the sketch, especially the background. I have a hard time creating environments for my artwork, thus my preference for doing portraits. But I think it’s time I stretched my wings a bit, so I’m going to create as detailed a background as I can here. I’ve borrowed other elements from the DA painting as well, including the windows with a strong light source and the idea of a robot painting something. However, the theme is a bit different, as you’ll see if you check out this month’s issue of DA.

Next week I hope to have the sketch finalized. Then I can start the underpainting stage, something else I don’t normally do with my ArtRage doodles. We’ll see how this works!

3 Comments

ACW Episode 103 – Let’s All Sing Along!

  By ,

File this one under “Yet one more reason why Helen is a bad, bad mother.” Yes, I let my kids listen to Pink. At least some of her songs, anyway, though nothing quite so hard core as “F#%&ing Perfect.” But we do listen to “Raise Your Glass” quite a bit. Frankly, I like listening to Pink. And to Katy Perry. And to a few other artists who’s lyrics are a bit… unconventional in terms of children’s music. And Pixie and Princess both love to sing along to whatever is playing on the radio.

There are some who would say, “Why don’t you just listen to those songs when your kids aren’t around?!” To those people I would say, “The only time the kids aren’t around is when I’m working, and when I’m working, I’m not listening to music.” And then those same people might come back and say, “Then why not only listen to those songs when you’re driving around in your car?!” And to those people I would say, “I do only listen to those songs when I’m in my car! The problem is, I’m almost never in the car without the kids!!”

Seriously, the only opportunity I get to listen to music I like is when I’m driving, and I’m usually not in the car by myself. The kids are in there with me 90% of the time. And so they end up listening to a lot of music most parents would frown at. But I will say this.

It’s NOT my fault, because the Hubster is the one who keeps buying me those CDs!

No comments

Buy “Metamorphosis” for charity!

  By ,

metamorphosis-200x300-72dpi.jpg

My story “Metamorphosis” is on now available from Freya’s Bower in ebook format , including Adobe Acrobat, Microsoft Reader, HTML, Mobipocket, and Epub. Proceeds from sales of this story go to charity! Here are the details…

*****

Erin, a young woman caught between her parents’ expectations and her own wants and needs, feels nothing in her life is going right and fears disappointing the people she loves the most. But now it’s time for her to be “cocooned,” to enter a dream state that will reveal the truth about who she really is and the life she’s meant to live. Dare she risk finding out? And will anyone, including Erin, be happy with what she learns?

This is part of the anthology Dreams & Desires v. 4. All net proceeds from the sales of this story individually or in the anthology benefit A Window Between Worlds, a non-profit organization that provides art supplies and training for art as a healing tool free of charge to battered women’s shelters.

*****

So there you have it! This story originally ran as part of the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast. If you are a regular listener of Heat Flash, you’ll definitely want to read this. You can also buy the complete collection of Dreams & Desires v. 4 at Freya’s Bower.

No comments

Move It Mama Monday! Losing Weight

  By ,

I made a resolution this past New Year’s Day to lose ten pounds. Ten pounds is all that stands between me and what I weighed before I had kids. I’ve made this same resolution before and have never been able to keep it, but this year I hoped I had found new tools to make my goal possible.

The tools in question are my new iPad and the LiveStrong calorie counter app I installed on it. Since Christmas Day, when I got the iPad and installed LiveStrong on it, I’ve been pretty consistant about tracking how much I eat and how many calories I burn through exercise. The LiveStrong app allows me to tell it how much weight I want to lose each week and then calculates a daily calorie goal to help me drop the pounds. I discovered pretty quickly that if I burned a certain amount of calories each day, I could eat more, so I set a personal goal of 500 calories a day burned through exercise to allow myself to enjoy a few luxuries like a cup of hot tea, a piece of chocolate or an extra muffin or bagel for a snack.

Well, what do you know? It looks like I’m actually losing the weight. Since Christmas day, I am down 7 pounds. I’m hoping by the end of March, I’ll be able to say I’ve lost all 10 pounds and I’m keeping them off for good. I’m giving myself an extra month to say that because I know my weight tends to fluctuate with my cycle and because I know I’ve got some very stressful weeks coming up, which will affect how much I eat and how much I exercise. I’m trying to stay in control of that, but sometimes I do break down and treat myself to a bowl of ice cream when I’m having really crappy day.

Exercise-wise, I’ve been using the Hubster’s elliptical machine, going to karate class, swimming and doing water aerobics. Plus I’ve worked to throw in extra exercise sessions on the Wii, mainly with EA Sports Active 2 and Walk It Out! Walk It Out is a particular favorite right now because it’s low key exercise that lets me blow of some stress without exhausting myself. With all the stress I’m dealing with right now, that’s kind of important.

So anyway, that’s the update on my weight and fitness goals. I’m going to squeeze in a little exercise now and I’ll let you know next week if I manage to drop another pound.

No comments

Sunday Contentments – the Tooth About Bad Parenting

  By

I am a bad parent. I freely admit this. There are things that I do that I would not do if I were a good parent. Like say, messing with my kids’ minds.

Princess lost a tooth last Friday. She got so excited when that tooth cames out. She just couldn’t wait for the Tooth Fairy to show up! Unfortunately, Princess has bad parents who have a hard time remembering to put in a call to the Tooth Fairy to arrange for a drop-off. Princess was so disappointed the next morning when she woke up and found her tooth still in its little tooth pillow and no dollar left in its place. Oops. I could have sworn I told the Hubster to call the Tooth Fairy, but somehow…

Anyway, last night when I tucked her in, I told Princess the reason the Tooth Fairy had not shown up was probably because she had inherited her mother’s screwed-up Tooth Fairy.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Princess demanded, her face scrunched up in wary disbelief.

“It means that when I was your age, I used to lose my teeth too, but the Tooth Fairy had problems getting to my house to drop off the money. And sometimes, when the Tooth Fairy did arrive, she made mistakes.”

Princess cocked an eyebrow at me. “What kind of mistakes?”

“Well, once, instead of leaving me a dollar, she left me a walnut. And then one time when she did remember to bring a dollar, she gave it to the neighbor’s dog instead of me.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously! So if you don’t find a dollar under your pillow tomorrow, I suggest you check with the cats, because chances are good she gave your dollar to one of them. But I’d check right away, because Hiccup strikes me as the kind of cat that would spend your dollar really quick!.”

Well, that pack of tall tales got me a few giggles, and seemed to put to rest any worries Princess had about the Tooth Fairy not loving her enough to come visit. I made sure to tell Hubster before going to bed to make arrangements for the Tooth Fairy, and this morning Princess came dancing into our bedroom with a crisp dollar bill.

“Look what I got from the Tooth Fairy! A whole dollar!”

“What? No walnut?” I asked.

“Moooooooom!”

I’m a bad parent, but I’m a pretty good liar, so maybe that balances things out.