Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.

Freaky Friday! The Cynical Woman Store is Live and Very Scary Comes Back from the Dead

I wanted to get some news out today. You may or may not have noticed the tasteful entry in our list of links below the header graphic. It says “Shop” and that’s exactly what it’s for. I set up a Zazzle shop this month and have been slowly adding product to it. Right now, there are only four products up, but I will be expanding on that. I am already working on a zombie Christmas card and have plans for a steampunk holiday card as well.

In addition to the set up of the Zazzle shop, I have also resurrected the Very Scary Art blog. I had only meant to take a little time off from the blog to give me a chance to catch up on other work, but ended up being away for five months instead. That’s five months too long, and I’ve already slapped myself on the hand and cried, “Bad blogger! Bad, bad blogger!” I’m making changes to how I do the blog posts to make it easier for me to continue working on Very Scary. Meanwhile, our first new blog post in months is now up at Very Scary. Go take a look!

And, um, that’s it. That’s all the news I’ve got. I’m getting back into my regular blogging schedule and will be working on writing today at the public library. I have some interesting projects in the works and I will see next week if I can get a WIP Wednesday post up so you can all see what I’m working on.

Now go SHOP!

Episode 68 – What a Privilege!

Click on the image above to see the full-size version.

Wow, does this cartoon show my age. When I was a cadet, CDs were still very much a new technology. Very, very new. If you bought new music, you didn’t get it off of iTunes or buy MP3s from Amazon. You went to the record store and bought either the vinyl album or a cassette tape. I had 3 small boxes of cassette tapes and a whole slew of vinyl albums when I was a cadet. I didn’t have enough room in my dorm room for the albums and the record player, though, so I just brought a boom box and my cassettes. And I could only listen to the cassettes in my boom box because my car did not have a radio or a cassette player!!

Sounds pretty primitive, doesn’t it? These days, I have an iPod Nano that I can wear on my wrist like a wrist watch. I’ve got a converter that will allow me to plug it into my car stereo. I can play streaming radio from any station in the world on my iPad, and I usually buy my music from iTunes or Amazon. And all these devices are so tiny, so transportable! I can only imagine what it must be like to be a cadet today with all this technology available. Tell me, Rats of the VTCC today, does the Corps even bother to restrict your use of your iPods, your iPads, your Nooks, your Kindles, etc.? Do you have to earn the privilege to listen to your music? Because these days, the device you use to play your music on might also be the same device you read your text books on! And nobody could have even conceived of that when I was a freshman at Virginia Tech. In fact, my freshman year at Virginia Tech was the first year students in engineering were required to have computers. Not all students, mind you, just the engineering students.

My, how far we’ve come. And yet these days, I still prefer to draw my comics on bristol board with a brush pen. Unless I’m on the road, and then you know I use the iPad. Because, hey, technology works!

ACW 133 – I Smell Smoke

Click on the thumbnail above to view the image full size.

My apologies for the lateness of today’s cartoon. I had planned to get up at the crack of dawn this morning to finish it, but when I woke up I was dead tired and I recalled I was going to spend all day chaperoning a bunch of kindergarteners on a field so I went back to bed for another hour to rest up. That’s my glamorous life, folks.

Anyhoo, I spent a morning at my local public library two weeks ago to see if I could still write. Apparently I can. What I produced was only a couple thousand words of rough outline, but it is a story idea typed out on the netbook and it looks like it will shape up pretty good. I was excited about it anyway. Then on Sunday night, I had a really strange dream about being shipped off to a sanitarium by my family, only the place turned out to be much more than a sanitarium, and after exploring it I woke up with a question on my lips – “Where is La Isla?” Expect to see that come back to haunt us all at some point in the next year or so.

Then I had another bit of interesting news yesterday. The publisher for my first novel, Demon By Day, seemed interested in having me podcast the whole novel, so sometime this winter I may pull that bad boy out and begin production on it for the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast. It’s pretty hard core, in terms of erotica, probably some of the most hard core material I’ve ever written, so it will be interesting to see how it will be received.

And that’s all the news I’ve got today. Enjoy the rest of your Tuesday!

Move It Mama Monday! It Was That Time of the Month

Today’s topic is about exercising during menstruation, and if the subject icks you out, my apologies, but I’m a woman, I menstruate, and I exercise, so it seems like an appropriate subject for me to write about today. Especially since I spent a good part of last week completely laid out by a visit from Aunt Flo.

I have never had an easy time with my period, even when I was young. It was always painful and messy and it made me miserable for a bout 5 days or so out of every month. I got some relief during college when I started on the pill, but when I went off the pill to get pregnant, the misery came back with a vengeance. And then of course, I spent four years dealing with hormone therapy so I could finally get pregnant, and then did more hormone therapy to have child number two, and then went back for another few rounds of hormone therapy in an attempt to have child number three that did not succeed, so you know my hormones are all screwed up. Add to that the fact that I had a bit of a scare last year when I had a pap smear come back with abnormal results that led me to briefly think I might have cervical cancer. Fortunately, it turned out I didn’t have cancer, but I do have hyperplasia, which means the lining of my uterus is rather a mess and that’s why one week out of every month I feel like my girl parts are doing their damnedest to turn themselves inside out and kill me in the process.

Are you icked out yet, or are you still with me? Good! Let’s continue.

So anyway, one week out of every month is rather unpleasant due to bleeding and intense cramping. But I’ve learned to live with it. Every now and then though, I get a really bad period, and by bad I mean BAAAAAAAAD! It starts a few days before the actual bleeding begins. My knees start to hurt to the point where I have problems getting up and down the stairs. I get a bad case of insomnia. My stress level seems to go through the roof. I get paranoid and can’t seem to pull myself out of a really crappy mood. And then the actual period hits like a sledge hammer. I end up crippled by cramps to the point where I can’t stay on my feet for any length of time. And my energy level just plummets. This is what happened to me last week, and damn was it miserable. To top it off, the kids were home from school on Thursday and Friday and the Hubster and I had a two-hour black belt review on Saturday. I had to drag myself through everything, from getting out of bed to wake up the kids to making meals and getting dressed. I’m still not sure how I made it through the black-belt review. My knees hurt so badly they were affecting my stances and balance.

How is a gal supposed to cope with periods like that? I got through it by spending most of Thursday in bed with a heating pad drapped over my abdomen and a double dose of Alieve in my system. I spent a lot of Friday the same way. I did get up and move around on Saturday, obviously, but I paid for it on Sunday by being completely wiped out. Then I spent most of last night tossing and turning whilst wrestling with insomnia before finally drifting off into some really weird and intense dreams that still have me gasping for breath even now at noon today.

The good news is, I finally seem to be free of the worst of the symptoms. I’ve got some energy back and my knees feel much better. Also, those dreams from the wee hours of dawn this morning have been typed down into the form of a rough outline for a story, so some good did come out of all that tossing and turning last night. The bad news is, this will all probably happen again at some point. Maybe not the next period or the one after that, but it will eventually hit me, and I’m wondering if there’s anything I can do about it.

The last time I discussed this with my doctor, he recommended burning out the lining of my uterus, a suggestion that sent me climbing up the walls of the examing room like a cat on acid visiting the vet. No way was I going to let someone burn out the lining of one my girl parts! But now, after having gone through a couple of really miserable periods this year, I’m starting to wonder if it might not be such a bad idea. I’ll need to ask the doc about the insomnia and knee pain and see what side effects I may be looking at, but if it will somehow help with all of that as well as eliminate the painful cramping, I may tell him to do it right then and there.

We’ll see. The fact is, I’m a busy gal on the go these days, and I have no desire to be slowed down by gawd-awful periods. I certainly don’t want to be laid out flat again like that. I lost three days of work and two days of exercise to my goddam period, and that’s not something that makes me happy. I’m willing to consider my options now and see what I can do to prevent this from happening again.

So, anyone else have any thoughts? Suggestions? Or are you so totally icked out that you’ll never come back to this blog again? No? Good! Come back for next week’s Move It Mama Monday and I promise we’ll discuss something far less gruesome, like the slug I found crawling in my frying pan last night. Or not.

Freaky Friday! So I changed my tag line

Take a look at the header graphic for the site. Notice that something has changed? I have replace the tag line of “Stay-at-home mom and erotica writer” with “Motherhood made me EVIL!!!”

Why the change, you may ask? (Or maybe you’re not asking. Maybe you don’t care. Maybe you’re too busy eating Cheetohs, in which case I hate you for not sharing any with me.) The change is for a couple of reasons, the main one being…

I am not simply a stay-at-home mom and erotica writer. Not that there was ever anything simple about that. However, while I have primarily written in the erotica genre for the last ten years, this website was never really an erotica writer’s website. You never saw a lot of story excerpts here, no contests or give-aways, no big book releases or anything like that. Yeah, I’ve talked about writing erotica from time to time, and I have occasionally put up some stories here, but 99% of my erotica work has been poured straight into the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast, and let’s be honest, Heat Flash is the perfect place for it. It’s a site dedicated entirely to speculative fiction erotica. If that’s what you want, that’s exactly what you get there, and you can find plenty of it all on that one website. It’s focused and direct, and that’s made it a great platform for my odd little stories of erotic fiction.

This website though, the Cynical Woman site, has always been more of a mish-mash of stuff, from the web comics to the artwork to the occasional (okay, the frequent) rant about my life as a mom. An evil mom. A mom who really does have devil horns coming out her head (hey, have you seen me at conventions? The horns are real!!). So as much fun as it is to be a stay-at-home mom and erotica writer, and as catchy as that tag line is, it really doesn’t cover the full theme of this site. And that theme is…

Motherhood has made me evil.

Oh, I was evil before I had kids, but I never really understood the true extent of my nature until after I had them. Giving birth to and caring for a couple of vicious man-eating rug rats has led me to the discovery that I am the kind of parent who enjoys trying to civilize such savage little beasts. I get a kick out of sending a screaming kid to her bedroom and I have no hesitations about handing out time-outs or sweeping through a messy bedroom with a trashbag and vindictive will to enact a scorched earth policy on anything the little ones refused to pick up and put away like they were told to fifty-million times. I am the mom who shows up at a Catholic school, with hair dyed pink and blue and purple, to discuss volunteer hours with the nuns, and then I go home to write erotica stories for the Coming Together charity anthologies. I am the mom who sells cookies for Girl Scouts by cheerfully advertising that yes, those cookies really are made of real Girl Scouts and I made them myself. See my bloody hands? Now please, buy a few boxes and support the Girl Scouts. I play Wii Fit while drinking Choco-Vine wine (although to be honest, the person who decided to combine wine and chocolate is far more evil than I). I sew zombie dolls on the sidelines while waiting for my daughters’ karate classes to end. I am the mom who will save your sorry ass should said zombie dolls ever come to life and take over the world… unless I decide to be the mom who feeds your sorry ass to my zombie babies, because hey, they’re cute and they need to eat too!

In short, I am not your mama’s “Yo Mama!” Rather, I am a strange new species of bitchy breeder all together, and that’s what this website has always been about. So I changed the tag line to “Motherhood has made me EVIL!!!” Yes, you will still see the occasional mention of erotica stories and artwork here, and you can always go to Heat Flash if you want more. Because I’m still a stay-at-home mom and I still write erotica.

I’m just really, really evil, too.

‘Nuff said.

Rats! Episode 67 – When History Repeats Itself

Click on the cartoon above to see the full-size version.

Oh, Irwin! You just know you made the exact same bone-headed mistake last year. Admit it and have mercy on those poor rats. It wasn’t that long ago that you were one of them…

I used to get in trouble all the time for failing to hand in stuff in the correct format. Stick cards were a particular problem for me. I’d spend hours on them, trying to write them just right, only to have my squad leader hand them back to me, all marked up in red ink. I guess you could say he was my first real editor. And a real jerk.

Nah, not really. Stick cards were a pretty pointless exercise, but they didn’t kill me, and I think I still have some floating around. I’ll have to see if I can dig them up to show here on the website. That would be pretty funny to see, wouldn’t it? By the way, did you notice the original date written in the last panel? October 30th, 1990? I’m almost on track with the cartoons at the moment. Kind of neat! But probably only to me…

By the way, it has come to my attention that some folks over at the VTCC are looking for information on the Conrad Cavalary during the late 1980s to early 1990s. If you know anything about the ol’ CC, were a member, or know someone who was a member around then, let me know. I’ll forward your contact info to the people concerned.

And that’s all I got for this week’s episode, folks! Have fun.

ACW 132 – I Want to Ride my Bicycle

Click on the cartoon above to see the full sized version.

Well this week’s episode took a lot more effort than I’d anticipated, much like the ride Mary took me on last week.

Mary and Patricia are the two who got me into cycling this summer, with Patricia donating an old bike of hers to me, and Mary coaching me along. I’ve been riding around my neighborhood all summer, slowly going from 4 miles up to 22 miles in a single ride (and let me tell ya, 22 miles is a lot of laps around my neighborhood). Anyway, Mary decided it was high time for me to hit the road outside my neighborhood, so she took me to historic Yorktown and we road the tour roads there. Our first ride out, we did 15 miles, which was a bit tough considering there are a lot of hills in Yorktown. But the second ride….

Oh, that second ride. Mary needed to put in some extra mileage last Wednesday, so she suggested we go 25 miles, and I agreed. And you can see the results above. Now, I am no slacker in the exercise department, you know this. But I am not as experienced a cyclist as Mary is, nor do I have a road bike, like she does. My bike is heavier, and a bit slower as a result. So whilst Mary zipped along, I trudged behind, desperately trying to keep up. We managed to do the first 15 miles in an hour, but then took another hour to do the last ten. Mary was kind enough to slow down for me, otherwise I would have gotten completely lost and probably died out there.

But as Mary pointed out, when it was over, it was over, and it felt really great to say, “Hey, I just biked 25 miles!! What did you do today, bitches?!” I like being able to do that.

And as for getting this week’s cartoon done, let me simply say that nothing is ever as easy as it looks. Especially when you want to get the joke just right.

Move It Mama Monday! Why Worry When the Numbers on the Scale Go Up?

So I’ve been biking lately, an average of 50 miles a week. And I’ve been making it to the Y for deep water aerobics twice a week, and putting in 4 hours of class time at the dojo most weeks. My knees feel better than the have in years, my average speed on the bike keeps going up, and I’m using the big weights in the pool and not screaming in agony any more after the fifth set of triceps extensions.

So why does my weight keep going up?

That’s been the big question for a few months now. My weight started creeping up on me in February, about the time Girl Scout cookie season hit its peak. No, it was not from eating too many cookies. It was more a case of I couldn’t find time to work out. And I was probably eating more due to stress, but not cookies! I swear!

I managed to get back on track with regular workouts again this summer, though my eating habits still aren’t as strict as they should be if I want to lose weight. And thus the scale has remained steady at 10 pounds higher than I normally want to be.

And you know what? Today I decided not to worry about it.

No, I haven’t banished all my weight worry with just one decision, but it’s a case of, do I really want to start counting calories and giving up all soda and snacks and feel hungry all the time (which is what happens every time I try to lose weight)? Or would I rather just relax and keep doing what I’ve been doing in the gym, the dojo, and on the road?

I’m voting for the later. I’d rather just continue to keep up with my workouts, especially the cycling. Hubster suspects my weight is up because I’ve got more muscle mass in my legs now, due to all the miles I’ve put in on the bike. (And isn’t he just so sweet for saying that?!) I’m not so sure, but I’m really not interested in fighting it any more. The bottom line is, my jeans still fit, dammit, and I don’t feel half-starved and dead tired all the time, so what is there to really worry about? I’m 42. My metabolism was bound to start slowing down some time.

I will admit, I may, MAY, try to throw in an extra 15 minutes of working out here and there. I can always toss in Just Dance in the evenings and go for a few songs. Or if I would rather something a little easier, I can do some Wii Fit or Walk It Out. And I will probably try to do that, considering that when I get to the late afternoon, I usually do feel pretty sleepy and I need something to wake me up.

But worry about the weight? Seriously? Nah. Not this time around.

Rats! Episode 66 – All for One and One for Yelling!

Being a new leader in charge of a large group of people is never fun. I was always a bit nervous when someone put me in charge of a group of cadets, and later a group of soldiers. Seriously, you think I knew what I was doing? Not at the age of 19, but I guess the point was to learn by doing.

Actually, one of the scariest moments of my military career was when I showed up for my first drill weekend with my first Reserves unit. After meeting the company commander, he called in a gentleman he introduced as my platoon sergeant. The moment my company commander left, the sergeant turned to me and said, “Okay Lieutenant, what are we doing today?” And all I could think of was, “Geeze! This guy is old enough to be my dad! And I’m supposed to give orders to him?!”

It got easier over time. I got used to being in charge and being the one who had to make the final decision and take responsibility for how things turned out (especially if they went badly). I even discovered that there were plenty of people out there older than me who did not know how to do their jobs and they actually needed me to show them. That was perhaps even more frightening than dealing with a platoon sergeant who turned out to be worth his weight in gold (the man was a professional and very good at his job – i.e. he never let me screw things up too badly).

But in the very beginning, when it was just me, a sophomore cadet, trying to lead a march a bunch of rats to the dining hall, it wasn’t so easy, nor was it a lot of fun. To all you new sophomore cadets out there, take it one step at a time. And if you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing, you have my sympathies.

ACW 131 – Making a Big Splash!

Click on the cartoon above to view it full size!

I have to mention that because occasionally I get complaints that the cartoon is too small. The image above is actually a thumbnail that leads to the full size image. I did up the thumbnail size this week, so maybe that will help. If it doesn’t, I may have to redo the website template to allow me to post the full size image in the blog post. Just let me know if you’re having problems viewing this.

Anyway, about this week’s cartoon. I did my hair a week and a half ago, and it looked fantastic. Still does, which makes me happy because finding temporary hair dye that lasts in my hair has been a challenge. But anyway, I had just done my hair and the Hubster told me we were going to Busch Gardens the next day. Now Busch isn’t my favorite place to go (I used to work there and it sucked), but I’ll go on a family outing if we decide to go. So we went, and shortly after we arrived, Hubster announced we were all going to ride the Roman Rapids which is this big water ride they have, and all I could think was, “But I just dyed my hair yesterday!!!”

Fortunately, I didn’t get splashed too badly, and Hubster did the manly thing of taking all the waterfalls we passe while letting me get through relatively dry. But there were a few drops of color here and there when I got out. That’s the thing with these temp dyes. It takes them a while to quit bleeding, and by the time they do, a lot of brands have faded. It all depends on the brand and your hair, I’ve found. Brands that last only a few days on my hair work like magic on the girls and won’t wash out for months. However, I seem to have found a brand that works pretty well (it’s Fudge Paintbox, FYI). We’ll see how it looks after another week or so.

So there ya go. Amusement parks and hair color – just another fantabulous day in my life. Yay!