Dear Small Child,
This is YO MAMA speaking. I love you very much. But you stayed home sick from school EVERY DAY last week. Your father tried to take you back to school on Friday, when we knew you felt fine, but you cried and moaned so much he had to bring you back home. To me. And every day that you were home, YO MAMA (that's me) could not go ANYWHERE. Not to the gym, not to the grocery store, not to the craft store to buy yarn, not even outside to go for a walk. As a result, YO MAMA is now STIR CRAZY. Totally, and completely STIR CRAZY.
This weekend, you ran around the yard, played, went to karate class, had fun at a 5-hour long Girl Scout meeting, and did all sorts of cool things. And you never once cried about how sick you felt. So today, when you got up, your father and YO MAMA told you, “YOU ARE READY TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!” And naturally, you started crying again.
But your father took you to school anyway. And you've been there a grand total of 90 minutes. And you've already been to the nurse's office, and the nurse has already called YO MAMA to let me know that you are crying about an upset tummy.
WELL YO MAMA IS NOT BUYING IT.
You are at school today, and you are going to stay there. And you are going back to school tomorrow. Because YO MAMA is so worn out and so stir-crazy from being stuck at home taking care of you all last week that there is NO WAY IN HELL she is going to pick you up from school and bring you home. Instead, YO MAMA is going to stay right here, on the couch, watching bad horror movies on TV while she sips coffee and draws webcomics.
BECAUSE THAT'S THE KIND OF EVIL PERSON YO MAMA IS.
I love you. Have a wonderful day at school.