Krampus Tree continued – What do I deserve?

So, two days later… TWO days later, Krampus finally returns. With a decoration.

“Where the hell have you been!” I shouted. “You said you’d be here tomorrow!”

“So you’re complaining that I’m early?” he said, cocking one hairy, scary eyebrow.

“No! I mean you said two days ago you’d be coming back tomorrow! Which would have been yesterday, only now you’re here today so you’re late!”

“Are you sure about that?”

I went over the whole argument in my head and had to admit, I might not be right. Today, tomorrow, yesterday, two days ago?

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’ve been stuck here with this horrible Krampus tree for the last two days, and you said you had decorations for it. So, what did you bring me?”

Krampus stretched his arms overhead until his spine cracked three times. “Oh, this isn’t something I brought you. It’s something Santa sent you.”

Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a Flaming Lump of Coal.

Krampus tree!

A flaming lump of COAL?!

“Oh, that’s… lovely,” I said. “What did I do to deserve that?”

Krampus laughed so hard he started choking. “You have to ask?!”

So anyway, he farted a few times, laughed some more, and made lots more threats to come back… sometime with more decorations.

So yeah, flaming lump of coal. Flippin’ flaming lump of coal. Like I deserved this.

Yeah, I know. I probably did.


Isn’t it lovely?!

(The flaming lump of coal was made from bamboo felt, embroidered with DMC embroidery floss. I used a bit of rick-rack ribbon for the hanger.)

About Cynical Woman

Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.
Bookmark the permalink.


  1. Well, I think that li’l lump of coal is just faaaaabulous. Though don’t you think just a scoche of glitter might make it just POP?

    …and now I will quit channeling Sean Hayes as Jack.

  2. Kes,

    That was too precious. I will see if next year I can add some glitter to my coal 🙂 A Krampus tree should be tacky!

  3. It was flaming… I just couldn’t resist. *L*

  4. UUUUUUUUGH! Bad pun! Bad, bad pun!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.