A couple of weeks ago, I became so evil even I couldn’t stand myself. Yelling, snapping, having meltdowns. I was just foul. I’d had several nights of insomnia, but that by itself wasn’t enough to justify how absolutely miserable I was. I was so furious over the mess in the garage I went and renovated the place. I, who had never picked up power tools before, painted and put up peg board, and then installed a rack of shelves. By MYSELF! And I made several trips to the dump, the thrift store, the hardware store. Some days, I’d start on that garage at 8:00 AM and keep going right through the day until about 8:00 PM, when I’d finally collapse, drenched in sweat and absolutely filthy from all the cleaning and scrubbing and painting. A few days, Pixie was able to convince me to take her to the pool, where she’d swim and I’d float around in my floaty chair and just stew. I was mad at everyone and everything. I told the Hubster to not say one word to me about the garage. I was going to do whatever the hell I wanted to do with it. Fortunately, the man stayed out of my way for most of it. And then there were these moments when I’d feel the whole world just drop out from beneath my feet.
Yeah, something was wrong with me.
I knew something was wrong, too, and it was affecting the kids. So I made an appointment, went in and told my doctor that if he has seen me the week before, he would have declared me rabid and had me put down. After a bit of discussion, he concluded I might be starting menopause. When I told him about the yelling and snapping and renovating of the garage, he said, “So you’re a bit manic…”
And then he gave me a prescription to take the edge off my mood.
I have to admit, that prescription works. We’re waiting on blood work to see how my hormone levels are doing. In the meantime, I’m on a very mild medication that seems to have nipped all my stress in the bud. I’m not a brain dead zombie, nor am I comfortably numb. I just feel really relaxed and that’s good because now I can finally spend time with the Hubster and kids without worrying about whether or not I’ll end up on the 11PM news.
I’ll let you know how things go. In the meantime, I need to go replace my couch. I chewed a few holes through it before the meds kicked in.