Honesty compels me to confess that the above scene never actually happened on our trip to Toronto last week, and there’s a good reason for that. The kids know I would KILL them if they ever acted up this badly.

In fact, the kids’ good behavior was the second most-likely reason people stopped to talk to us while we were out and about touring the town last week. (My Vibram shoes were the first most-likely reason we would be stopped.) People noted that the girls seemed very pleasant, were quiet and well-behaved in public, and said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ with only a little prompting. Only once toward the end did I have to put anyone in time out for bad behavior, and that was when Pixie refused to hold my hand in the Royal Ontario Museum. She was getting antsy, and I prefer to keep a tight grip on her when she gets like that, since I know she could easily spin out of control otherwise. When she refused to hold hands and threw a tiny tantrum, I put her in the nearest corner for 2 minutes. It was amazing how many people stopped to applaud while we stood there. Apparently lots of people are tired of seeing kids behave badly in public.

I don’t blame them. I saw some attrocious behavior while we were out, and not just from kids. People touching museum exhibits that were clearly labeled “No Touching!” Kids hitting and kicking their parents when denied ice cream. Shouting and swearing in hotel hallways. I cannot believe people act like this. And every time I see such behavior, I turn to my girls and say, “If I ever catch either of you acting like that–”

“You’ll kill us,” they finish for me.

“Exactly.”

So my girls know the score – behave or die young. I am very proud of them for understanding that concept.

Anyway, we had quite the vacation. This is our usual yearly trip, where Hubster jets us all out to whever his annual geek conference is, drops us in some strange city and then takes off for the week while I tote the girls around town. It’s both thrilling and exhausting. While he’s hob-nobbing with other engineers, I’m dragging two kids from museum to museum and trying to unpuzzle the local public transportation system. We didn’t do too badly this time. I was actually able to figure out which trolley I needed to take to get back to our hotel one afternoon when the bus we were supposed to take never showed up. However, I tried to stick to my prefered mode of transport – walking. The girls and I must have logged 2 miles a day, not including time spent at the various sites we visited. And of course, once the Hubster was done with his conference, that mileage doubled. That man likes to pack a lot of activities into his vacation time, I tell you. We walked so much the last two days of the trip, I still can’t feel my feet.

We got back on Sunday afternoon. It was an amazing trip and honestly, I could have spent 2 weeks there and not done it all. Among other places, we saw the Ontario Science Center, the Art Gallery of Ontario, Casa Loma, the Ontario Zoo, and the Royal Ontario Museum. Now that we’re home, I’m trying to slip right back into work and the usual routine. I can’t believe how much paying work I’ve got sitting in my in-box, waiting to be handled. And the laundry! Oy, I may never dig out from under that heap of work.

Anyway, I may do a few more cartoons on Toronto before moving back to some other topic, just to give you all a feel for what it was like. I hope you enjoy.

Oh, I have had my hands full keeping the kids busy this summer. Yes, Princess has actually asked about this. In fact, I keep getting all sorts of requests for odd activities. Can we go to Disney World… tomorrow! Can we buy a pony, build a giant robot, sew a ninja costume, and go to the beach? Sadly, getting to the beach has been the hardest request to fulfill so far this summer.

I’m still dead tired after my weekend reading in North Carolina. You can usually tell the weeks I’m tired or overly busy because I draw a single panel cartoon with a simple punch line, like the one above. I keep a stock pile of ideas on hand for when these times occur, so that I can still get a cartoon turned out, regardless of how sleep-deprived I might be. And I do try to ensure the cartoons are still funny. But if you see that single panel with just the essentials drawn, chances are good that I was worn out that day.

There will be no cartoon next week. Sorry, but we’ll be in Toronto and I’ll have no way to get a cartoon done in advance of heading out on our trip. I do plan to take a sketch book and my brush pen with me, so I might draw something, photograph it and upload it while I’m traveling, but I make no guarantees. Basically, it’s going to be me schlepping two kids around town while Hubster does his rocket scientist thing all day, and that’s both time consuming and exhausting.

But hopefully I’ll have more than a single panel to show you when I get back. And if you get a simple one panel cartoon instead? Well heck, ya’ll expect me to be tired after a trip like that, don’t you?

Oh, beware the horrific thingies that live in the toilet. For surely your child will find one and present it to you when you least expect it. Like say, right before you’re about to eat dinner.

I don’t know what Princess found in the toilet that evening, and I never intend to ask. Hubster does not recall the incident, so I figure whatever it was, it was so awful he wiped it from his memories. I personally don’t need that kind of brain damage. My kids have fried enough of my synapses as it is already.

We’ve had quite a few adventures with the pottie. There was the time I accidentally flushed a pair of Pixie’s “Little Mermaid” underpants down the toilet. Then there was the time we were in the best pizza parlor in all of Chicago and Pixie handed me a turd she’d just pooped out… right there at the table. I suppose that event is still worse than last week’s brain-exploding incident, wherein I caught Pixie fishing around in an unflushed toilet with her bare hands because she “wanted to see what it felt like.” Both Pixie and Princess got in trouble for that one; Pixie for playing in the toilet and Princess for forgetting to flush.

Yes folks, beware the dangers that lurk in the toilet. Surely there are no greater horrors than those involving kids and the potty.