Damn, I own a lot of weapons. That picture you see above is all my gear for kobudo class. Kobudo is a form of martial arts weapons training, closely related to Okinawan karate. Last Saturday, Hubster and I tested for our 2nd degree black belts in kobudo, and I’m happy to say we passed.

The Hubster and I have been taking martial arts classes for about eight years now. In addition to our shiny new 2nd degree black belts in kobudo, we also have 2nd degree black belts in karate. We study both karate and kobudo under the same instructor, and Princess trains at the dojo as well. Pixie is chomping at the bit to get started. I think she may begin classes this January. So we’re obviously a karate family.

When we started karate classes eight years back, Hubster and I were still pre-children, so we had the luxury of being able to go to six classes a week together. Hey, we were young, we were excited, and we were all fired up about having the chance to beat the snot out of each other in a fun, friendly environment. I trained all through my pregnancy with Princess and had a blast in the process. Then after my first child was born, Hubster and I kind of slowed down on classes. We switched to each of us going to four classes a week, with one of us in class each evening and one of us at home with the baby (there were two classes on Saturday, so we both took a class that day and just handed off Princess at the door).

After Pixie came, things slowed down even further. Let’s face it, taking care of kids takes a lot of time, and can make it difficult to keep to a regular schedule of exercise. These days, I try to make it to 3-4 classes a week, but many times it’s only two. Between doctor’s appointments, sick kids, and work deadlines, it can be hard to make it to class. Thankfully, our current dojo offers day time classes, which is good for me because I pretty much shut down physically and mentally after 5PM each day.

I also have trouble these days finding the motivation I need to practice. But this past week, I discovered once again the truth of one of my rules for doing exercise when I feel like crud. Just go out there and do it. I don’t have to do it for long. If I go out with the plan of doing just five minutes, then that’s great. Usually, if I get out and do five minutes of any activity, that five minutes will likely turn into twenty, thirty, or even forty minutes, and before I know it, I’ll have done a whole workout. And on those days where I do five minutes and I still feel like crud, then I’m obviously not feeling well and I can call it a day. But I have to do five minutes first. This works for classes too. If I can just get to the class and do five minutes, I’m usually good for the rest of the hour. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever left class once I’ve gotten there. I just turn off the brain and do what my instructor tells me to do until class is over and then hey, look at that! I worked out for a whole hour.

Anyway, I followed the five minute/go to class rule all last week, and got in enough practice to do well on my kobudo test this Saturday. And now that I’ve got my shiny new 2nd degree black belt, I’ve suddenly got a little more motivation to practice and go to class on a regular basis. So if you happen to see me walking around, carrying any of the instruments of destruction shown in the above picture, you know what I’m up to.

Hai, karate!!

Missions accomplished – among other tasks last week, I finished recording and producing the longest episode of the Heat Flash Erotica Podcast. The story in question, A Room With A View, was 12000 words long. That meant a lot of recording and editing time. However, in addition to getting that out the door, I also finished up the cover art for the same story, along with three other stories I produced for the show last month, and all four will be coming out as e-books later this month. So I have that contented feeling of satisfaction at a big job well done and out of my hair.

More missions accomplished – yesterday was a busy day. Princess had her karate test at 9AM. Hubster and I tested for our 2nd degree black belts in kobudo (karate weapons). Then at 3, Pixie and I had to hotfoot it to another town an hour away for a birthday party. Needless to say, I was drop dead tired by the end of the day. I’d been dreading yesterday all week, and I am soooooo glad that I finally got through it and can now breathe a sigh of relief.

Surprises for the girls – Princess and Pixie don’t know it yet, but we’re going to Disney on Ice this afternoon. Hubster found out he could get tickets last night, so we made the quick decision to go see the show. We’re not even going to tell them where we’re going; we’re just going to climb into the car and head out. I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they see their very first ice skating princess!

Coffee and soft boiled eggs on toast – it’s the breakfast of champions, seriously. Combined with the Sunday paper, it’s a great way to just kick back and enjoy the morning. Add some hot sauce to really make things good (but add that sauce to the eggs, not the paper, otherwise you’ve got a mess).

A rainy morning – I love rainy days. I use them as an excuse to curl up with a cup of tea in my papasan chair or on my couch and do some reading. Think I will try to squeeze in another chapter of Drood today

Mood music – it’s Fall, my favorite season of the year, and every Fall I pull out the same albums to enjoy: Enya, Loreena McKennit, Great Big Sea, Young Dubliners, Warren Zevon. An odd mix, I know, but those are the CDs that really bring out the nip in the air and make me want to curl up by the fire, again with a hot cup of tea.

I think that’s it for today. Hubster and kids are still out, and I’ve got some laundry to do. Going to clear the clean clothes that need folding out of my papasan chair so I can curl up with Drood for a bit. See ya later, and enjoy your Sunday

Ya know, I think this is the best Cynical Woman cartoon I’ve drawn yet. Lettering still needs work, but it’s getting better.

Yes, I am really and truly a black belt, which means I know the basics of karate and am most deadly to myself. I do train with various kobudo weapons, including the nunchaku, and I’m testing for my 2nd degree black belt in weapons this coming September (I’m already a 2nd degree black belt in open-hand karate).

I’m going to two classes a week right now, and those usually last 2 1/2 hours (thus the reason why I’m only doing two classes a week; I think more would kill me). I have on occasion hit myself – in the elbow, the leg, the back, and yes, the head. Others have hit me as well. In fact, the Hubster once mistook me for a 6 foot tall, 1200 lb gorilla during a sparring drill and to this day my right knee still has not recovered. Somebody else took out the left knee a few months later, so if I walk funny, you know why.

I’m heading to Chicago this weekend, and I’m taking a small drawing pad with me. Don’t know what I’ll draw, but it will probably show up here. Meanwhile, if you must see more of my work, I have set up a Deviant Art page. It’s at www.cynicalwoman.deviantart.com. There’s various things there, including a few odd cartoons that have nothing to do with Cynical Woman beyond the fact that I drew them.

One final note, if you love me, if you really really love me, take a few moments to visit my podcast and enter my contest!!! I’m running a listener appreciation contest over at www.heatflash.libsyn.com. I’ll be giving away t-shirts, boxers and thongs, and print copies of my fabulous short story collection, Future Perfect. It’s all naughty stuff, and it’s good fun. To enter, all you have to do is leave a comment on the Heat Flash blog at www.heatflash.libsyn.com or send me an e-mail at heatflash.podcast@gmail.com. Contest runs between now and midnight EST, 26 August. Go here for specific details.

That’s it for now. I’ll see if I can’t get some funky doodling done while in Chicago. Hubster’s at a conference so I will be schlepping the kids around the city on my ownsome. Something painfully funny is bound to happen, I’m sure. Keep your fingers crossed that I survive.

Then the rest of the week went to hell in a handbasket. Unexpected stress from an unexpected source showed up and knocked me completely out of that good groove I had going. I ended up staying up way too late on Monday night, and then suffered through insomnia most of that night, which completely screwed my getting up early Tuesday morning. I was so frazzled from this stress that I was out of sorts the rest of the week. Determined to somehow get back on track, I dragged myself and the kids to the dojo on Tuesday morning. I wanted to get there early rather than late, so I spent all morning packing lunches, gear, weapons, etc. and we headed out as soon as I had the car loaded up. Well, we were early all right… 45 minutes early! We stayed and worked out and Cassie got her class done, but I was so tired and out of it by the time my class started that I headed home. The rest of the day wasn’t much better. To decompress, Hubster and I stayed up to watch Stranger Than Fiction. We loved the movie, but once again were up way to late. I slept late the next morning too. By then my whole routine was in shambles, so I spent the next few days scrambling to get stuff done. I wore myself out Thursday scraping vinyl linoleum off the kitchen floor, then chiseling away the glue and backing left behind. I was so sore after that, I slept way late Friday morning.

I decided to force myself back on schedule Saturday, and have done well since then. I’ve been more productive this weekend than I was all last week. But I still feel the effects of being off kilter. It showed up in my karate class Saturday morning where I suddenly developed three left feet and several extra (and quite useless) thumbs. I felt like my body was fighting itself the entire class. Then my knees ached so badly the rest of that day that I pretty much retired to bed for the afternoon, slathering on the Ben Gay and popping the Alieve like no one’s business. Yesterday morning, I got up early again, felt better, but still wasn’t back to my old self. After 40 minutes of Dance Dance Revolution, I tried to do some Wii Fit Yoga. I’ve never had worse scores. I was just completely off kilter.

So this week wiill be dedicated to getting myself back on schedule and getting back in tune with my center of balance and coordination. I’ve reworked my daily schedule and my exercise plan to help with that, making sure I get enough, but not too much, exercise. Meanwhile I’m going to start back up with my physical therapy to see if I can fix my knees. I really don’t want to suffer through another afternoon like I did on Saturday.

So that’s where we’re at right now, just trying to get our act back together. We’ll see how I’m doing next week.

I turned 40 today. That’s right, I’ve hit not-quite-middle-old-age.

I have to say 39 was pretty rough. I had a lot going on – the podcast, promoting my first book, writing and publishing my second book, the webcomic, Princess starting kindergarten, Saint Michael the Magnificent’s work schedule (he’s telecommuting with a NASA center on the opposite coast). I’ve been struggling to keep up, and I finally hit the point where I decided to start shoving stuff of my plate and not adding anything else on. This year I’ve decided to focus on certain basic things that I need to do, that I really want to do, that I enjoy doing, and nothing else needs to be added.

And one of these things is getting back in shape. I know I said back in January that I wanted to lose about 10 pounds. Well I hadn’t made much headway in that as of a week ago. Being so busy means lousy sleep and eating habits for me, which means low motivation and a sporadic exercise schedule at best. But on Valentine’s Day weekend, while I was away at a sci-fi convention pimping the new book, Michael picked up a Wii for the family, and now everything has changed.

I got to play with a Wii a bit back in December when we went to visit my in-laws. One of my brothers-in-law brought his over for all of us to play, and I thought it was fun. I also thought that maybe playing DDR would be a fun way for me to squeeze in a little exercise every now and then. I hadn’t seen the Wii Fit yet. But when Michael showed me the new set up in our living room, he handed me the Wii Fit disk and I thought, “Hmmm… this might be interesting.”

I had seen the Wii Fit demo online at Nintendo’s website, and wasn’t sure I’d be getting much of a workout from the program. Boy was I wrong about that! I’ve been doing Wii Fit for 8 days now, and I can honestly say it’s a butt-kicking workout. I put in between 30-60 minutes a day on that thing and I’m always dripping sweat when I’m done. I haven’t seen much change in my weight yet – I’ve lost one pound since I started 8 days ago – but I did notice a difference tonight when I went to my evening karate class. I’ve been struggling the last several months in karate. My knees have been nothing but trouble since my first pregnancy, and after Pixie was born, they were pretty much shot to hell. Constant pain in my knees plus extra weight plus being tired all the time has added up to me really not wanting to go to karate… and I’m a second degree black belt! I’m supposed to be good at this stuff, but I’ve been sucking wind for ages trying to keep up in class. I have to wear these humongous braces on each leg to protect my knees, which really makes it tough to do class. It’s a fight to kick or lift my legs, and my balance has been so off that some of the katas and stances have been downright painful.

Well not tonight. This evening I went through two hours of class, and I don’t hurt at all! I’m a little tired, but that’s nothing compared to how I usually feel after an evening of karate. I was able to do everything with no pain today, and I saw marked improvement in my stances and balance. It’s all due to the Wii Fit. That thing measures and tracks my balance and gives me instant feedback throughout the workout so I can correct myself on the spot. It’s really been a workout for my legs. I can actually see my hamstrings, and I know from working with a physical therapist that strong hamstrings alleviate a lot of knee problems. This is nothing short of a miracle for me!

So in honor of my new found energy and to mark my 40th birthday, I’m thinking of doing a regular bit on Mondays called “Move It Mama Monday,” where I’ll blog a bit about what I’m doing to get myself back into shape and stay there. If anyone is interested in contributing ideas for this particular series of posts, don’t hesitate to e-mail me at helenmadden (at) cox (dot) net. I’m looking forward to seeing if I can get my thirty-something body back now that I’m forty.

I can actually walk on it, and in fact was able to walk off the mat Thursday night when I hurt it. But it’s stiff and I can’t straighten it or bend it all the way. Plus it’s swollen and not too stable. I’m limping around and I’m not too pleased about it. This makes one broken nose, two incidents of broken ribs, one fractured sternum and three f*@#ed up knees (the right one now having been f*@#ed up twice) thanks to martial arts.

But considering how long I’ve been taking martial arts, that’s not really that bad.

Ow.

Both Michael and Sam are sick. I’m fighting to keep Cassie and me from getting whatever creeping crud they have. I’m so tired of trying to work around someone being sick. On Wednesday I had to take Cassie to the doctor for a check up. Every time I go, I have to initial a privacy statement. They give me the same paper each time, with a new date stamped on the bottom where I’m supposed to initial. I took a look at how many times I’d been in the doctor’s office with Cassie since August and I nearly fell over. Since June I’ve brought Cassie in seven times. And that’s just Cassie. I’ve also had quite a few appointments for Sam as well. And I’ve been to see my own doctor on two occasions during that time period. Why the hell can’t we stay out of the doctor’s office?

Every time one of the kids gets sick, it kills my exercise schedule. I’ve been trying to go to the day time classes at the karate dojo. Normally, I pack up some toys and a snack for Sam and I let her play on the side in a play pen while I take class. But I can’t go if either she or Cassie are sick, and I won’t go if I’m sick, so I’ve missed a lot of classes over the last few months. I’m feeling the effects too. We had a test Thursday night, and even though I wasn’t testing, I was reviewing, and man did I feel shaky on a lot of things. I’m having the same problem just getting into the gym. I can’t go if I’ve got a sick kid. The nursery won’t take ‘em. Yet it seems to me that Sam always, ALWAYS gets sick within a week of me returning to the gym. I suspect it’s because someone else is bringing in their sick kid and just infecting the rest of the population. I’d like to catch the parents that do that sort of thing and slap the crap out of them. Really I would.

But anyway, I took this review Thursday night, and I was dragging. Michael was sick, Sam was sick, I haven’t been in class or to the gym much, and my interest in karate has been pretty low. I had to force myself to go to the test, and when I got there I wasn’t happy. Usually Michael and I get a sitter for the kids and we go together so it’s like a date (yeah, I know, a really weird date where we beat each other up), but he was sick so I had to go alone. Whine, whine, whine. And I went through the test, wondering what I was doing there. I just didn’t feel like I could hang, you know? I did not have my act together, and I hate feeling like that. There’s nothing that annoys me more than to see a black belt who can’t do their katas properly or keep up with the rest of the class. That’s a lazy black belt, and I realized that’s what I had become. Lazy.

I can’t just blame everything on the kids being sick. If I wanted to, I could have found a way to fit in the practice time and the class time. In fact, I have. After hearing my instructor complain about having the play pen in the dojo, I got kind of pissed. It’s a lot of work for me to show up to that day time class, what with having to feed Sam right before we go, and then packing toys and a snack and some juice, and then having to set up that damned play pen (it’s a bear to unfold), and then I get to go through class gritting my teeth every time she makes a noise because I know the instructor expects her to be quiet, but she’s only 18 months old, for pete’s sake. And so after his complaining, I kind of went on a tear about how hard it is for me to even get there and how I’m sick of missing classes and I realized that the afternoon classes weren’t even all that challenging anymore anyway so why was I going? I mean, I don’t even break a sweat when I’m there and that’s not good.

At some point, in the middle of this rant (which my poor husband had to listen to), I realized that if I wanted to change things, I was going to have to CHANGE things. In other words, I was going to have to drop the afternoon classes and start going to the evening classes instead. It’s the perfect solution. Michael stays home in the evenings, so I don’t have to take bring in Sam. If he’s watching the kids, I don’t have to worry about missing class because one of them is sick (although if I’m sick, forget it – I’m still not going). I can still take the same amount of classes if I double up one of the evenings I go and take a regular class along with that evening’s specialty class (black belt training or weapons training). Yeah, it would be perfect.

Except that my lazy ass didn’t want to do it.

Why? The evening classes are harder, for starters. The daytime classes are filled with older students who have various injuries (like me with my bum knees). The evening classes are mostly younger students. They’re also run by some really tough instructors, one of whom used to run the daytime class (back when it was a kick-ass class to take). And they spar a lot more in the evening classes. Sparring is hard work, let me tell you. It’s not only potentially painful if you get hit (and I know because I’ve had some ribs broken, plus both knees, plus my nose), but it’s also very aerobically demanding. In fact, an evening of sparring is just plain frickin’ exhausting.

But that’s what I want, right? Tougher classes, more time in class, a chance to feel like I’m worth my black belt?

My lazy ass started making excuses right away. “I have two bad knees — what if I get injured while sparring?” “I haven’t taken classes regularly in ages — what if I can’t keep up?” And my favorite… “But if Michael and I both take evening classes, we’ll never get to see each other any more!”

Whine, whine, whine. All this was sitting at the forefront of my little pea-brain during the review Thursday night. Then the instructor called me out on the floor with a group of brown belts to do some kata. Except I didn’t get to line up with them. Instead, he told me, “Sensei Helen, you stand back there, a little separate from the group. You’re going to do something different.”

And that’s when it hit me. Yeah, I get to do something different. I was the only black belt there that night, the only one who knew the black belt katas, the only one who was going to look killer doing the higher level stuff. And man, did that turn me on.

And I did do well. Fortunately, I have managed to squeeze in some practice time, and I looked good, doing MY kata while everyone else did something else. And it was a long kata too, which meant long after everyone else had finished up, I was still going, with everyone watching me.

I’m such a frikkin’ show off.

But it worked. I suddenly found my motivation to go back to evening classes. I like doing karate. I like that I do something different from most of my friends, that I do something HARD. I worked to earn my black belt, and I remember how Michael and I just about tore each other up during our black belt test, and how people to this day still come up to us and say, “Man, I remember that test. I thought you two were going to kill each other. That was so cool!”

So next week, I start evening classes again. I already told my instructor, and he’s very happy about that. He wants me back on a regular schedule, and I want that to.
Speaking of which, my blogging time is up. Time to go wake up the rest of the family. See ya later.