Archive for November, 2009

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Move It Mama Monday! Water, water everywhere!

Monday, November 30th, 2009

So, water aerobics. You'd have thought a class dominated by senior citizens would have been easy, but no way Jose. I have been getting my patookie kicked in the pool the last few weeks trying to keep up with the grandmas and the grandpas while we jog and lift our little foam weights and in general churn up the chlorinated water like rabid mermaids. At the end of three weeks of this (at two classes a week), I now have more muscle definition than I've had in a while, and I definitely look and feel slimmer. But do I weigh less?

Of course not, because I'm now mid-cycle!

Around the middle of my menstrual cycle, I pack on about 3-5 pounds of water weight. There is nothing I can do to prevent it. I've tried drinking extra water to flush the excess fluid out of my system. I've tried sticking to a mainly veggie diet and cutting back on high fat foods. I've tried doing extra excerise around that time, getting more sleep, etc. Basically, none of it has prevented me from packing on the extra weight, so I've just learned to live with it. I keep hoping if I drop a couple of pounds that will counter the effect, but I haven't had much luck losing weight, and at this point, so long as all my clothes fit, I really don't care.

But Wii Fit Plus cares! Oh does that little sucker care. It never fails that I get to this point in my cycle, or I get to the end of my cycle (the other time I pack on the water weight), and suddenly Wii Fit is calling me "Fattie Fattie Two by Four" and demanding to know why my ass is so big. The damn thing actually gives me a list of reasons to choose from, but do you think hormones and water weight are anywhere on that list? Noooooooooo! Because that would mean Wii Fit is sensative to issues like that, and I've learned from experience that one thing Wii Fit is not is sensative.

Is it me, or is anybody else tired of Wii Fit's snark? It shows up when you miss a day or two of working out, and again when you weigh in and show up a few pounds heavier. Oh, and if you don't excel on some portion ofI the fitness test there are these little comments like, "Hm, looks like walking upright is not your strong suit!"

Between the snark and the fact that Wii Fit Plus failed to include any updates on its cardio games, I've pretty much relegated my workouts with it to one day a week. Oh, I still use it for fit tests, because I simply can't do without my daily dose of snark and abuse, but otherwise, I'm focussing more on Gold's Gym Cardio and My Fitness Coach.

And water aerobics. Because in the pool, it doesn't matter how much water weight my butt is hauling. It's just one more drop in the bucket ;)

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Posted in Exercise, Move It Mama Monday! | 10 Comments »

Sunday Contentments – Discontentment

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

It had to happen sometime. I can't get through everyday feeling chipper and full of sunshine. The past two weeks have been a pain in the butt, and I've gone through both weekends feeling grouchier than a fuzzy green puppet in a trashcan surrounded by annoyingly happy singing kids.

What's been wrong? Nothing. Everything. You name it. The previous weekend got eaten alive by the dojo we attend, thanks to a local parade they participated in and a tournament they hosted. That meant no time for me to do the things I normally do. Then my schedule got further disrupted by the Thanksgiving holiday and having the kids home from school. Seriously, am I the only one who dreads the holidays because they interfere with my work?

Add to that the fact that I'm eating foods I wouldn't normally eat, foods high in fat and carbs and sugar, plus my sleep schedule is off as well as my work schedule, and I'm under the added pressure to finish up PerNoFiMo and get ready for an upcoming convention, and the kids tore apart the house while decorating for Christmas and they're at each other's throats non-stop and oh, I started a new workout routine so I'm sore all the time.

So yeah, everything's kind of combined to make me feel out of sorts and grumpy. I was really out of sorts this morning, and all through today, and feeling dead on my feet. I finally got through my workout. Since I hadn't spent much time with the girls today that didn't involve yelling at them, I called them in to read to me while I cleaned up. I had a nice hot bath while Princess read Skippy John Jones to Pixie and I, and then I laid in bed while she read some more, and at some point I drifted off to sleep.

And I woke up feeling a lot better.

I still have a lot of work to do, but man, what a difference a nap makes between being discontented and contented.

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Posted in Sunday Contentments | No Comments »

Welcome to Mundania is available now at ARe!

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009
My short story collection, Welcome To Mundania, is available for purchase at All Romance e-Books.  You can buy the collection of  all four stories here for just $4.99, or get the individual stories for $1.99 each at the following links. A Man In A Kilt - When Jimmy, a strong-willed Scott, meets a dominatrix named Nan, he's in for the sexual experience of his life. But what will he do when Nan insists on meeting his family? And how will they decide who wears the kilt and who wears the pants in their relationship? Rapacious Mrs. Horner - Diane Horner is divorced, outraged, and addicted to gay porn.  She wants what she shouldn't want.  When her son's best friend confesses his attraction to her, she knows she should walk away.  But how do you walk away from what's right there in your own bedroom? Diablo -Randall is rich and spoiled and used to getting what he wants.  He has his eye on Ty, the hired hand at Polk's Stables, but Ty only cares for Diablo, Randall's horse.  Can Randall win over the object of his desire with kindness and friendship, or will he resort to more sinister methods to get what he wants? A Room With A View -Darcy Daniels is out of work, out of her apartment and out of luck entirely.  When the economy tanks, she's forced to move back in with her parents and take a lousy job at a burger joint to make ends meet.  Things are looking pretty glum until the day she meets Bobby Kritken, the boy next door.  He's strictly off-limits due to a feud between his father and hers, but then Darcy discovers she can see Bobby's room from her bedroom window, and suddenly she has a whole new outlook on life! You can get these stories and more at All Romance eBooks.  And remember, e-books make lovely Christmas presents, and the price won't break the bank!

Posted in Helen's Books, Welcome to Mundania, Writing | 1 Comment »

Writing Wednesday – The home stretch for PerNoFiMo

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Only six days left in November and I'm still working hard on PerNoFiMo - Personal Novel Finishing Month. At this point, I've written over 31000 words for my work in progress, tentatively titled "Whip It!" That's well past the minimum goal of 20K words, and nearing the ultimate goal of 40K for the month. I'm doing good, right?

Eh, not so much. I've hit a snag at this point, you see. I started writing "Whip It!" almost three years ago. Back then, it was fresh in my mind and I had lots of ideas. Fortunately, I did put many of those ideas down in various documents. Unfortunately, I jumped right into PerNoFiMo without really digging through those notes first. That wasn't a problem for the first two weeks, but for the last few days, I've been struggling to get through the story because I don't know where to go with it. I'm the kind of person who prefers to have a story roughly mapped out before I begin to write. I don't have to have every detail firmly in place, but I do need to know a general direction, and I mean I really need to know it. I need to have a good solid feel for a story, and quite frankly, I don't have that with "Whip It!" right now.

Nor do I have the research I really need to make this work. The main character in "Whip It!" is a chef trying to start her own catering business. I know jack about catering. I spent a good part of last night searching the web for info on health regulations and food service permits and other such stuff. There are things I'm not sure my characters can do. For example, can you have a naked man in a kitchen during a health inspection? And how does one get a permit to run a catering business? Since much of the plot revolves around the heroine proving to her jerk ex-boyfriend that she can indeed stand on her own two feet and start up her own business, I actually need to show her standing on her own feet and starting up her own business. So I've got a lot of research I need to do before I can write certain parts of the story.

In fact, I've got so much research and outlining I need to do at this point that actual writing has ground to a halt. I just can't keep plowing through the story until I take care of these matters. So what to do? Is there anyway I can hit my goal of 40K words?

I'm going to say "Yes!" Let's face it, PerNoFiMo is my game so I get to set the rules. And the rules say that if I can't write actual novel-type writing with plot, character, dialog, etc., then I can and should go ahead and play the game of "What happens next?" "What happens next?" is the question I always end up asking myself when the story grinds to a halt, like it has now with "Whip It." For instance...

Lucy Cheeks, chef and would-be caterer, is in the middle of a health inspection which she must pass prior to getting the go-ahead to run her catering business. However, her assistant chef, Eduardo Suave - a deeply spiritual but very odd man who looks like the love child of Antonia Banderas and Freddie Mercury - was in the yard behind her kitchen doing nude yoga and he comes back inside, still naked, much to the surprise of the health inspector. What happens next?

I don't have to write the story to answer it. I can just write notes to myself to keep the ideas flowing. So my answer might go something like this.

Eduardo and the health inspector, Imelda Blanc, have some history between them that Lucy doesn't know about. In fact, what Lucy doesn't know is that Imelda was one time Eduardo's lover and dominatrix. She knows all about his nude yoga habit, and is not surprised to seem him roaming around nude in the kitchen. However, Eduardo is a very hairy man, and as a health inspector, she is concerned that some of his body hair might fall into any food they make. For this reason, she insists that Eduardo cannot be naked in the kitchen. He protests, and Lucy fears she's going to lose her permit over this when her great aunt Bernice speaks up and says...

So that's how "What happens next?" works. I just keep plugging away at the ideas, throwing writerly style to the wind. Basically, I'm outlining right there in the body of the story. In fact, once I hit my final word count, I'll probably lift the entire "What happens next?" stuff out of the story document and save it as it's own file, then continue to work on it and get all my plot points settled and all my research handled before I go back to the actual writing.

See? Word count keeps growing and those pesky outline and research problems eventually get solved.

One more week left in PerNoFiMo. To everyone out there plugging away at NaNoWriMo, I wish you all the best during these final days!

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Posted in Writing, Writing Wednesday | No Comments »

Episode 45 – A Small Political Rant

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

Where to start with this one? Um, how about with "I'm very opinionated"?

Seriously, I had two choices of what to draw for this week - something cute and funny or something more controversial. I'm not usually in-your-face with my political and (lack of) religious views, but there are times when I feel it's necessary to point out a few things. For starters, I believe I have the right to express myself politically and sexually. For a woman, the two are so intertwined I can't see how to separate one from the other. It's to the point where I'm not just writing erotica to turn out steamy sex scenes for entertainment and profit. I'm writing erotica because that's my way of saying, "Fuck all you people who think I should be meek and mild and obedient and hide in the kitchen while being barefoot and pregnant. I'm a woman with a brain and a cunt and I intend to use them both!" (And no, I will never apologize for using the word 'cunt,' just as a man would never apologize for calling his penis a 'dick').

Secondly, I actually am thankful for the things I listed in the cartoon above. In a different time and place, under different circumstance, my life would be a lot different, and probably not for the better. I do not take for granted my right to vote, my right to an education, my right to practice or refuse to practice the religion of my choice, or my right to keep other people's stupid ideas off my body. No woman should take these things for granted, nor should we allow other women to do without these rights.

Third, don't expect me to play nice if you push me to be something I'm not. I make no bones about my personal beliefs. I am an atheist and a Zen Buddhist (for those of you wondering, Zen Buddhism is not a religion, it's a practice, and it has nothing to do with any idea of God). If you ask me to say grace at the dinner table, you will get what you get.

And that's my little rant for today.

Posted in Cartoon, The Adventures Of Cynical Woman | 4 Comments »

Move It Mama Monday! Gold’s Gym Cardio for Wii

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

First, a word of warning. If you ever go to the swimming pool at your local Y, and you see all the senior citizens doing their water aerobics class, don't sneer. Those folks may be old, but if they can keep up with water aerobics, they are more than capable of tearing you apart! I say this because I've taken three water aerobics classes now, and I'm still not sure how I'm able to stay upright after an hour in the pool. Yeesh!

But on to today's topic. A few weeks ago, I picked up a couple of new fitness games for the Wii. One of these was Gold's Gym Cardio Workout. The premise behind this one is pretty simple. You "shape" box along to a routine presented on the screen and work up a sweat. There's a trainer character who walks you through a tutorial on how to move, and then during the routine, he puts you through your paces while various punches and other techniques scroll up the screen ala DDR style. You can do the boxing either using a Wii remote and a nunchuk or by using two Wii remotes, one in each hand (the later is preferred according to the game manual). There are also a selection of gym exercises like push-ups, leg lifts, etc., that you can do. Some of these later exercises use the Wii balance board, but you won't need one for the shape boxing, which is the meat of the program.

Once you set up your personal data - height, weight, age, and some basic fitness testing - you can start into the program with a few very basic routines. The routines run between 6-15 minutes. The higher up you go in training levels, the more techniques are included in each routine, so you'll move from basic punching to bobbing and weaving and so forth. You have the option of doing an ala carte workout where you pick and choose what you want to do, or you can let your trainer choose a workout for you. One nice point, the trainer does ask you how hard you want to exercise when putting together a workout for you, so if you're feeling a little on the blah side that day, you can take it easy.

After each portion of your workout, you're given a count of how many punches you did. This is used to track your progress. The more punches you accumulate, the more "gold" you earn, which you can "spend" on clothing and other items for your character in the gym "store." Also, as you workout with the program, you unlock the option of using other trainers and dressing them in different outfits as well. I had no idea why this last option would appeal until I earned a new outfit for the trainer I'd been using. I chose "Alex," the bishonen hottie, for my trainer, and when I found I could dress him in just boxing shorts with no shirt, my interest in the game did shoot up. Nothing like looking at a half-naked virtual stud muffin while working out to get the old motivation going.

So, do I like the game? Yes. It's basic, with the main focus on the shape boxing, but there are plenty of routines to work on and I have definitely been working up a sweat. The gym exercises aren't really all that interesting, but they do provide some muscle building to a mainly cardio workout. The music is cheesy (in both the gym exercises and the exam portion of the game, they insist on playing an instrumental version of "Eye of the Tiger"), but it's fast moving and I can choose what cheesy tune I want to box to before I start a boxing routine. Oh, and there are also 3 work out locations I can pick from while boxing - a beach scene, a dojo, and a gym.

Basically, there's plenty of variety in this simple game and it burns calories and makes me sweat. I wish Wii Fit Plus had bothered to revamp their cardio boxing game, because it really is a great workout, but since they didn't, I'm more than content to workout with Gold's Gym Cardio instead.

Especially when I've got the option of working out with a half-naked bishonen hottie. Yum!

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Posted in Exercise, Move It Mama Monday! | No Comments »

Artwork – Sleeping

Friday, November 20th, 2009
I think it's ironic that I spent the afternoon struggling to stay awake while working on this one. Honestly, the picture I'm painting from is too nice for me to be sleepy.  Image is below the jump, since it's NSFW ;) 20091119_mancandy_sleeping_01 This was done in ArtRage 2.5, a very nice natural media program I have that costs only $25! It's an incredible steal, so if you do digital art, seriously consider looking into this one.  The painting is a little rough, since I'm still learning a lot of the ins and outs of ArtRage, but I like what I've got so far!

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Posted in Art, Digital Painting, Doodles, Nudes | 5 Comments »

Another Cynical Woman cartoon!

Thursday, November 19th, 2009
This is a link to a picture of cartoon I did while at the podcasters and webcomics party at Balticon this past May.  Just a quick little drawing in the midst of much happy madness ;)  The cartoon above was done by Brandon Danger Hill. Cynical Woman cartoon at Balticon (picture taken by the always wonderful Chris Lester of the Metamor City podcast).

Posted in Cartoon, The Adventures Of Cynical Woman | No Comments »

Writing Wednesday – Should erotica writers hide?

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Meant to post this earlier today, but it's been one of those days, by which I mean crazy busy. In any event, a quick PerNoFiMo update. Last night I passed the 20K word mark on Whip It, which means at just a little over halfway through the month, I've already met my minimum goal. Now to see how much more I can write before November is out. If I can turn out 1500 words a night, every night, until the end of the month, I could hit 40K words. But I'd have to write at least 1500 words every night, and there in lies the challenge.

We'll see what happens. For now, I'm 20K words farther into this novel than I was two weeks ago, and that's an accomplishment as far as I'm concerned.

Now onto today's discussion topic. While reading through the Erotica Readers & Writers Association blog, I came across this post by M. Christian. The article is about the hazards of being an erotica writer and the need to protect oneself from the slings and arrows of the righteous, the intolerant, the uptight and the inhibited. Among other things, M. Christian urges the need for erotica writers to hide what they do. I can understand why he offers this advice. For erotica writers, the threats of being fired, stalked, harassed, arrested, of losing one's home or even one's children are all very real.

But...

Here's my problem with this. You can't ever hide completely, not if you want to write. You can't hide and get your stories published. You can't hide and promote your work online. You can't hide and go to signings or conventions. You can't hide and write. Because once you write those words, those awful filthy words about the most forbidden subject of sex, you've already revealed who and what you are. You have made your mark in the erotica genre. You have left evidence for others to see. Short of deleting the file and wiping the hard drive (or for you low-tech writers, burning the notebook and throwing away the pen), you can't get rid of that evidence. You did the deed. You dared to write the porn, the erotica, the smut, the whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-this-genre. You wrote it, and it's yours. Oh, you can use a pen name, you can promote only online, and you can demur when people ask what you write about, but still. If you write sexually explicit material, then you have already put yourself at risk for being fired, harassed, stalked, etc. Computers can be searched. Pen names can be revealed. You yourself might trip up and let slip some detail that would allow people to connect your story with your name. Even if you just write one erotica story, one steamy sexy scene, and hide it away in a dresser drawer, it's still there for someone to find and you're still going to be at risk. It's like trying to take a dip in the pool without getting wet. Even if all you do is just put your little toe in the water, you can't not get wet.

For my part, I have never hidden what it is I do. I have never used a pen name. And somehow I have never suffered any of these horror stories that I've heard about from other writers. Maybe it's because I'm not in as vulnerable a position as others are. I'm a stay-at-home mom; I can't get fired from that job! And I'm in a good, stable marriage. My husband knew from the start what I was writing. So did my parents. To this day, my mother introduces me as 'her daughter who writes porn.' My husband's family all know what I write. My friends know. Heck, even our pediatrician and my daughters' teachers know. I have never made a secret of this. And yet somehow, I'm doing okay. Maybe I've just been lucky. Maybe my own personal horror story of stalkings and obscenity charges and court cases are just around the corner waiting to happen. Who knows?

What I do know is that anyone who tells me to hide the fact that I am an erotica writer might as well just tell me to never write erotica in the first place. The consequences are dire, so don't even dare it. But telling me to not write erotica would be like telling the late Charlton Heston to not let anybody know he liked guns. To paraphrase the man himself, I will only stop writing porn when you can pry my keyboard from my cold, dead hands. Until then, risks be damned. I'm writing.

Posted in Writing, Writing Wednesday | 12 Comments »

Episode 44 – Why put the ‘die’ in ‘diet’?

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

I will happily exercise my butt off over the holiday season, but Ah refuse, Ah say Ah refuse to give up my favorite holiday foods. In fact, I plan to discover some new favorites this year. How about you?

Holiday baking and other cooking starts in earnest this coming weekend. I don't know what we'll make yet, but I'm thinking of either a cake, candy, or some cookies. Whatever the kids and I decide on.

I love this time of year!

Posted in Cartoon, The Adventures Of Cynical Woman | 2 Comments »

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