New Year’s Resolutions

I resolve not to eat anything larger than my head.

I resolve not to forget to exercise. Doesn’t mean I’ll do it, just that I won’t forget I’m supposed to do it.

I resolve to start calling a toilet a toilet, and not a potty.

I resolve not to let the kids watch cartoons unless I get to sit and watch them too. “Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends” rules!

I resolve not to eat cookies in front of my three-year-old daughter, because if she sees me eating them, then I have to share some with her.

I resolve not to stay up past 10 PM, because if I do, I’ll have no hope whatsoever of getting any sleep. Sam still wakes up twice during the night, wanting to nurse, and at least twice a week Cassie comes scrambling into our bed at 3 AM complaining of monsters in her room. None of this is conducive to sleep.

I resolve to promptly forget about all the above resolutions just as soon as I possibly can.