Today’s “D” Word Is Disney

We’re going to Disney World, folks. Well, me and my family are, anyway. I don’t know what the heck you guys are doing.

Michael is neck deep in planning this vacation. We’ll be in the Magic Kingdom for 12 days from January to February. My parents will be there of course. My mom is ga-ga about spoiling the kids, and wants to come on this trip so she can spend all her life savings on mouse ears and princess junk. And there will be a lot of princess junk, let me tell you. Cassie’s obsession with the Disney Princesses grows worse by the day. She now has a beautiful handmade Snow White dress (courtesy of her Grandma-ma-ma) that far outstrips any store-bought costume that I’ve ever seen. Every afternoon when Cassie comes home from preschool, she slips into Snow White and parades around the house until dinner time. Then this past weekend, when her best friend Sean came over to play, she insisted on modeling it for him, and then insisted on wrestling him while she still had the dang thing on. Like I said earlier, she’s too girly to be a tomboy, too boisterous to be a true princess, but I’ll be durned if she don’t look the part when she goes flouncing past in that blue and yellow gown.

Ah, Disney Princesses. Cassie has informed her Grandma-ma-ma that she will also be making an Ariel costume, a Belle costume, and a Cinderella ball gown. My mother is now torn between elation at the chance to spoil her first grandchild and agony at having to churn out so many froo-froo dresses (they ain’t easy to make). I’m just sitting back, shaking my head. The homemade costumes were my idea. I saw it as a way to slow down the flood of gifts that kept pouring through our door every day. Keep Grandma-ma-ma busy and she won’t have so much time to shop, see? It’s working too }>;) Bwahahahahaha!

Cassie’s princess obsession has its roots in the Disney movies. We must own a hundred dvds that feature this or that doofus princess – Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, the Little Mermaid, Aladin, etc., etc. Of course, I find the princesses to be extremely annoying. Most of them are pretty useless as far as heroines go. Let’s see, Snow White can clean house, but is too stupid to know not to take gifts from strangers. She survives anyway though, because some moron prince thinks she’s pretty and he can’t help but kiss her. Same storyline for Sleeping Beauty too. Cinderella is a charitable girl, nice to small animals, but that’s not why she gets a happy ending. No, she ends up coasting on her pretty blonde looks. We know that Belle can read at least, and she’s willing to make the horrible sacrifice of living with someone ugly to save her dear Papa, so I have to give her points for being educated and non-judgmental. But while she does develop a loving relationship with the Beast, did she really do anything in that movie beyond show up and look pretty?

Let’s see, who else? There’s Jasmine, who refuses to marry snobby princes so she can have Tom Cruise look-a-like Aladin (hope he doesn’t jump on the couches). She does show a bit of spunk, but she’s more set dressing than a real character in the movie. Um, Pocahontas. Technically, not really a princess but a chieftain’s daughter. However, as far as Disney princesses go, I think she’s one of the better ones. She’s athletic, thinks for herself, and is willing to face death to prevent a war. Too bad Disney screwed up American history and geography with this movie. Hey, I live within spitting distance of the real Jamestown, folks. That waterfall you see Pocahontas dive into at the beginning of the movie? I’m still looking for it. Oh, she was also more like twelve when she first met John Smith (who was actually short and balding from what I understand, not a hunky blond Mel Gibson clone, complete with Lethal Weapon Mullet), and she ran around topless, because that was the traditional costume of the Powhatan Indians.

Then you’ve got Mulan. I like Mulan. I’m not familiar with the original story, so I’m not bothered if Disney really screwed it up. I just like the movie (and the sound track – that Donny Osmond dude can SING!). Mulan cuts her hair and dresses up as a man so she can take her father’s place in the emperor’s army and fight the Huns. She’s athletic, smart, quick-thinking, and doesn’t give up when the going gets tough. Even when people spit in her eye after finding out she’s just a girl, she still does the right thing and goes on to save everybody’s mangy behinds. She’s got to be the most ballsie of any of the Disney princess, and she gets her man not by being the prettiest thing out there, but by being courageous and making some hard decisions. She’s a great role model.

Unfortunately, I can’t get Cassie to watch Mulan very often, let alone imitate her.

What I have been able to get her to watch lately is Disney’s Tarzan. What a movie! This is probably the most underrated Disney movie in my opinion. The story is good, the animation and the characters are beautifully drawn. The Phil Collins soundtrack is bland, but it’s also completely ignorable and doesn’t interfere with the rest of the movie. As for the characters, Jane is a girl, but one with guts and a taste for adventure. And Tarzan? Hey, he’s a hunky chunk of man-flesh dressed in nothing but a loincloth, baby! If you’re a stay-at-home mom, you gotta love that.

So we’re watching a lot of Tarzan these days, which is a nice change from the Disney Princesses. Cassie gets to enjoy her funny movie (she loves the monkeys), and I get to ogle an animated hunk. Even Michael thinks the movie is good, and he promises me that someday real soon, he’ll pick up a loincloth and we can both go swinging through the jungle on a vine. Everybody’s happy and life is good.


In honor of Tarzan, I present my own sketch of a hunky chunk of man-flesh. No loincloth, but the naughty bits are discretely (sort of) covered up.

26 September 2006, Reclining figure

About Cynical Woman

Cartoonist, Artist, Geek, Evil Crafter, Girl Scout Troop Leader and Writer. Also, a zombie. I haven't slept in I don't know how long.
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